Note Passer: Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I step into my house stomping the snow off my boots, and my face is flushed with embarrassment. May had understood completely and had just left me at the door but before she let me head up the stairs. She kissed me, but this time I did remember to wipe off the lip gloss so that mom wouldn’t think I was going crazy and wearing lip gloss. As I suspected, Mom was sitting in a chair that was close enough to the window for her to see everything but to my heart’s relief, she was watching a movie, so she wouldn’t have been watching me and May. 

“Hi, Jaki,” Mom says quietly to me, reaching my hand out and waving a bit. It was still early enough for her to be drinking coffee and wearing pj’s. 

“Hey,” I responded before pounding up the stairs.

 “Oh, good morning, Jaki,” my dad says, walking out of his and mom’s room and pulling his tie up. Dad has to work on some of the days over break but not too many. The ones he does work on, mom and I are just staying home. 

“Morning, have a good work day, bye,” I say fast as I shut my door. When the door closes, I fall back against it. tears rolling down my face but after a little bit I realized that I wasn’t sad; I was happy. May had understood. She helped and she listened. She didn’t think that I was as of a mess as I thought she would. It was all great, but at the same time, I didn’t think that I could come out to anyone, not even her because of how scared I was of the idea that I liked girls. I mean I had kind of known it because it came up when I had been researching being non-binary. 

After about 10 minutes, I walked over to my desk, sat down and stared out the window watching my neighbors walking along the street. As they walked off into the light snow, my mind wanders back to my conversation with May on the phone a few nights ago. I started to worry about her because she had told me that her parents fight a lot. I didn’t know what to make of this, but May seemed worried about it which made me worried. I sat with that for a few minutes before deciding to ask mom if I could go to Ila and Elyse’s house. 

“Mom?” I say as I walk into the living room, seeing her sitting on the couch now reading. 

“Yeah?” Mom asks looking up from her book. 

“Can I go over to Ila and Elyse’s?” Mom always says yes, but she still likes me to ask. 

“Of course, just be home in time for dinner.” She knew that I would because dinner was at seven and it was just past nine. 

“Okay! Bye,” I say from the closet getting my coat. 

“Wait, Jaki.” I look at her confused, Huh she needs something else? “Who was that girl that came over this morning?” 

“I told you. Her name is May.” We both knew that the other knew that she was talking about her being my girlfriend, but I didn’t want to say it, not yet. 

“Okay,” Mom said, smirking. 

When I got to Elyse and Ila’s, the lights were on in the window and Muffin was laying on the top of the living room couch sleeping. I start up the steps when I ring the bell. I startle Muffin awake. She runs to the side of the window closest to the dog and starts to yip like a puppy when meeting someone at the door. I see Ila come over and start petting her. She calms down and they both come open the door, which is a good thing because it was getting really cold. When the door was wide enough, I walked through it, placing my hand on Muffin’s dark coat of fur. She nuzzles her snout into my palm. It’s cute, then I look up to Ila who is looking at Muffin.  

“Sorry for not telling you I was coming over,” I say. I am not sorry; I know they don’t care but it just seemed like the right thing to say. I am not as good at talking to Ila as I am to Elyse. 

“Ohh it’s fine, do you want to come in?” I think for a moment on what to say ending up with no idea of what to say. 

“I am in,” I say, smugly. I never really noticed this but Ila was really not good at talking to me either. I guess Elyse and I are closer, as I think about this I think to ask “Where’s Elyse?” Ila had been giggling at my joke I said a second ago and was starting to say something when I asked this then she finished by telling me that Elyse was in the kitchen making breakfast. 

When I walked into the kitchen, I saw that Elyse was really into the breakfast thing. There were pancakes, eggs, toast, waffles. The funny thing was that they were all mini sizes. Elyse clearly thought that tiny food was a good choice. I mean, I agree with her. 

“Oh, hi Jaki!” Elyse says loudly over the sound of the blender making mini smoothies. Just to put into it out there, it was -6 out and they were having cold smoothies. 

“Hi,” I say in my normal voice now that the blender was off. I look at my fidgeting hands. Why did I come over here again?  

“You look sad, what’s up?” Elyse asks me gently, grabbing my hand. Ila steps into the hall, walking away. 

“Nothing, I’m fine,” I lie. I lie a lot, the only person that I don’t really lie to as much is May. 

“Okay, but are you really?” Elyse is one of those people that can always tell when you are lying which sometimes gets on my nerves. I choose to be honest and tell them all about what’s been going on with me and May and how I can’t even tell what is going on or what is going to happen which scares me. 

“Well, we know how this feels, I know it’s hard but just don’t stress yourself out-” Elyse starts to say.   

“But you can’t-” I say, then being interrupted by Ila telling me that she knew that was a lot. But it’s okay not to know quite yet. But in that moment the memory of when I first met May, and the thing that stuck out to me was her small pink, purple, and blue pin. And at that moment I knew that I was bisexual. I didn’t know how I knew, I just knew. 

“Well thanks, both of you but I have to go,” I say, already walking out the door with my phone out, texting May to meet me at the park in 10 minutes. 

10 minutes later standing next to a tree I watched May come slowly over to me, the wind whipping her hair around. God, she is beautiful, I think as she stands next to me. 

“Hi,” she says, shivering. She forgot her coat. She did this a lot according to her friends and knowing so, I pulled the spare coat I grabbed from my house on my way here. She takes it out of my hands gratefully. 

“Thanksss,” she says, the s going long. 

“Of course,” I responded, sounding like a 40-year-old. Why did I not just say yep, like I always do? 

“So, why did you want to meet?” She asks to coming closer to me, her hair smelling like a field of flowers, her green eyes like emeralds. For a second, I just stare into her eyes and she’s staring into mine. Then what she said came to me and I lean back against the tree. 

“Because, well…um…uh…how do I say it?” I stutter out. I sound crazy, I think. 

“Did you realize what your sexuality is?” May prompts knowing just what needed. 

“Yes,” I half whisper. 

“Well, come on,” she says, starting to smile. 

“I’m bi,” I say, getting the confidence from her excitement. 

“Ohh, yeah you are,” she says hugging me. I hug her back. We stay like that for a while. Then, she asks, “Are you going to tell your parents?”

“Yeah,” I say. I knew from that second in Elye’s and Ila’s house that I wanted to tell them. I didn’t want to hide it. 

“’Do you want me to come with you?’ May asks. 

“Yes, please,” I say and we start to walk off in the direction of my house.