No Pressure: Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Day 11

The next morning- if you could really call it that, since it was three a.m.- I was awakened by a text from Denner.

Denner: If ur awake…i figured u should know that jenn and ayn weren’t lying 2 u.

i did blush every time someone said ur name over the weekend, and i did festoon ur locker.

Me: i’m up now. why did u blush & set up my locker

Denner: 1: bc u held my hand. 2: bc i wanted 2 say sorry & thanks for the dorothy thing

Me: no need, was delighted 2 do it

Denner: if i really thought you meant that, i’d be worried

Me: <disappointed>

Denner: go back to bed, u need ur beauty sleep

Me: what r u implying

Denner: shut up and go to bed

I did just that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I went downstairs for breakfast in the actual morning, I froze.

My parents stood, arms crossed at the counter. Father held my di. Mother was gripping my papers.

“Obviously we need to have a discussion, Jaimie.” Father’s words dripped venom. 

I did my best to hide both my shock, anger, and nerves. “Can it wait until I’ve eaten?” I asked. It wasn’t unreasonable.

But to them, it clearly was. “No, this can’t wait,” Mother said through gritted teeth. She gestured to a chair. “Sit down.” 

I shrugged, and sat.

“I thought it was clear that we wanted you to focus on academics, not childish make-believe,” Father said. Another thing that my parents never did: yell. But I could tell that they were both struggling not to.

“This isn’t make-believe,” I explained. “Because it’s real. I don’t have many friends, but this is how I met them. In real life.”

Mother shook her head. “You’re not allowed to do….shenanigans anymore.”

“Especially with this.” Father held up the dice. It glinted in the overhead light. 

“Yeah, care to explain why you were going through my stuff?” I asked casually. “Because that’s a serious red flag.”

They both flushed with embarrassment. “That’s not the point,” Mother managed. 

“I bought that di with a friend so that I could participate in a community. You’re always telling me to get involved, and I finally did. With people who matter to me,” I growled. “I didn’t ask for your approval one time and you’re violating my privacy.”

Their jaws dropped. Not in sync, but close. 

“I-” Father began. I cut him off.

“But it’s just you protecting me, right? From Jenn and Ayn and Carl and Moritz? And Pilze?” A tear ran down my cheek. “From Denner?”

“We-” Mother tried. 

“No,” I snapped. “This is just me, and you’ll have to accept it. I’m your son, your flesh and blood. Having a soul doesn’t change that.” I took a deep breath, and said,” Being queer doesn’t change that.”

Neither of them spoke. Mother had her hand over her mouth.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jaimie,” I said.

I walked out the door without looking back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I arrived at Denner’s house, soaked and shivering. The sky had opened up after I left my parents to stew in their mistakes. I appreciated that it gave me a chance to cry without it looking odd. 

All I had on my person was my phone. 

Denner opened the door and looked me up and down.

“Rough morning?” he said easily, letting me in like this happened every day. 

“Understatement of the century,” I muttered. I took off my damp sneakers on the mat. 

“I’ll grab you a towel,” Denner said. 

A minute later, he appeared with a towel covered in bright blue duckies.

I laughed at the sight of it. Denner scowled in mock offense. 

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” he said, draping the duckies across my shoulders. 

I shivered when his hands brushed against my chilled skin. 

He obviously noticed. I could tell by the way his face went redder than a strawberry and looked everywhere but at me.

I found a certain irony about the fact that he knew that he liked boys and had had a boyfriend, but was still acting awkward. 

“I should, um…” Denner glanced to the upstairs area and back at me. He seemed frozen on his feet. “Grab you something dry and….” 

He snapped his fingers. “I should tell Mom you’re here. Yes, I should do that. Dry yourself off,” he directed, and dashed down the hall, to the warm, delicious-smelling kitchen. 

I huddled under the towel. I was cold and wet now that I was warm and dry.

I doubted Denner and I wore the same size, and even then, the idea of wearing Denner’s clothes sent a chill down my spine. A complex mix of terror and excitement. 

Denner came hurrying back. “Mom says that my brother might have something in your size. Why don’t we go look?”

So, for the first time, I went upstairs. 

There were three bedrooms and a bathroom. Denner pulled open door number one, revealing a neat room, dusty from disuse.

Denner walked to the dresser, and pulled out a drawer. He withdrew a shirt with a pineapple on it. 

He held it up. “Do you think this will fit?”

I considered the garment. “Yeah. That’s the most ridiculous shirt I’ve ever seen.”

Denner smiled. “Trust me, it’s not the weirdest thing my brother owned.” His eyes were full of sadness.

I tilted my head. “Denner, did something happen to your brother?”

Denner sank onto the bed, and nodded. “He was hit by a car three years ago. His girlfriend survived, but he didn’t.”

I sat next to him. I made him face me, cupping his cheeks. 

We both went pink, but I ignored it. “I’m so sorry,” I said. 

Denner shook his head, taking his face out of my palms. “Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Still.” I said. 

“Just go put on that shirt. You’ve gotta be freezing, Jaimie.”

I shrugged. “Guilty.” Then I traveled out of the room, to the bathroom. 

I pulled my shirt over my head, relishing the feeling of the damp fabric leaving my skin.

I put on the pineapple shirt. It was a tad small, but still comfortable.

When I exited the bathroom, Denner stared. I’m talking about jaw-dropped, red cheeks, wide eyes.

I raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you gawking at?” I asked. I wasn’t angry, only curious.

Denner tore his gaze away from me. “The shirt is, ah …very fitted.”

I smirked. “So you’re checking out my nerdy muscles.”

Denner went even redder. “….yeah.”

I was tempted to flex, just to see what would happen, but I didn’t. 

I changed the subject. “Thanks for letting me in,” I said.

“Yeah, what happened?” Denner asked. “You still have tear-marks on your face.”

I touched my face self-consciously. Denner caught my fingers.

“Don’t lie to me,” he whispered. “Not now.”

So I told him. Told about my parents, and the di. Told him about my coming out.

He was silent, but his brow creased as I talked. When I finished, he shook his head. “Thanks for coming to me. I’m sorry you had to come out under those circumstances. That sucks.”

I smiled, but it didn’t quite reach my eyes. “I mean, I only get to come out to my folks once, so I don’t exactly get a redo.”

Denner nodded. “No, but you can stay here until they get their heads on straight.”

Then he realized what he’d just said, and started laughing.

“You mean, get their heads on gay!” I gasped between giggles.

The moment ended with Denner’s mom calling up the stairs,“Boys, there’s pancakes to be had in the kitchen!”

We bumped into each other as we scrambled back downstairs, for the promise of warm pancakes and syrup. 

Denner and I left for school together, hand in hand. I don’t think Denner really noticed, but I sure did.

It was all I could think about from the moment he took my hand to the millisecond in which he pulled away.

When we reached the giant brick building that was the school, he slipped his hand from  mine. I wanted to cry at the sudden feeling of being incomplete.

But I bit my tongue and kept walking. Or, at least, I would’ve, if Denner hadn’t pressed a brief kiss to my cheek, and whispered, “I hope your home situation improves.”

I couldn’t answer, because my heart was beating in my throat.

The boy of my dreams. Had just. KISSED MY CHEEK!!!!!!!!

Okay, it wasn’t a confession from him, but STILL!

He stepped back, stepped away. I wanted to pull his face back to mine and kiss him silly. 

I forced my hands to stay at my sides and simply gaped at him.

“What…why-” I couldn’t string two words together. I think being kissed tends to do that to you. I don’t know. I’d never been kissed before. 

“Shush.” Denner placed his palm over my mouth. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, but I kissed his palm.

He let out a noise of surprise. But I could tell that he didn’t entirely dislike it. 

I started to reach for him, to do the thing properly, but he playfully pushed me back. 

“Bad dog. No…” He coughed, slightly embarrassed. “No kissing until I know 60 things about you that I didn’t already know.”

I opened my mouth to exploit a loophole, but Denner waggled his eyebrows and said,”But you have to show me, not just tell me.”

I sighed. “It was too much to hope for? A proper kiss?”

Denner flushed, but shook his head.

“Come home a little later tonight. I have a plan,” I smirked, waggling my brows right back.

Denner gave me a look that I knew was reserved for when he already knew the answer to whatever question he was going to ask.

“So what do I call this, a date?”

“One hundred percent homo,” I said with a grin and a wink.

In that moment, I was just a gay dude, laughing with his crush, isolated but together at the same time.

It was kinda beautiful and sad at the same time. I knew I’d never be the same Jaimie ever again. 

Naive Jaimie, people-pleaser Jaimie was shed forever, like a coat.

All that was left was me. Nothing to lose, but nothing lost in the journey.