Note Passer: Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I shiver in the cold winter air of my hometown Nelson, Canada. I have lived here all my life. Unlike everyone in my family, I wasn’t born in Korea. I am Korean, and I can speak Korean, too, but English is still my first language. All my friends think it’s so cool that I’m Korean, but honestly by now I would give anything not to be. There is this 9th grader, Doe. She is the nicest girl in town, but that isn’t saying something in a town with 329 people in it, and only 167 kids. Anyway, she has been nagging me to tell her about all the traditions and stuff, but I am like, Girl if you want to know anything, stop asking, but of course I only say it in my head. 

As I walk up to the two doors that lead into the doom that is Abay Middle-High School, someone yanks on my shirt, pulling me to the side of the small-ish building. When they release me, I look into the brown eyes of my best friend Jane Anote, an American girl I met in 1st grade when my teacher sat us together for morning meeting. 

“Welcome back to this dump,” she says smirking. It may seem weird we both hate this school, but both of us are crazy smart so there are no classes that are worthy of our love.

“Jane, it’s not that bad,” I lie trying to sound upbeat and failing, sounding like my mom saying that doing the dishes will be fun. 

“Come on, Jaki. We both hate this place.” Even though this is true, I don’t feel like admitting it. 

“Ohh yeah, also, Jane, I came out to my parents over break.” When I say this, her jaw drops. I am non-binary and have been freaking out about how to tell my parents. They aren’t like homophobic or anything; they’re just parents. 

“Well how did it go?” she questions. I think about that for a moment going back to sitting them down at the kitchen table on Friday. Them asking what is going on and me just out right saying it. 

“It went fine. Mom said she could have guessed. Dad said he was glad I told them.” When I finish I think, That sounded lame when she gave me a whole story of her coming out. Jane and all my friends are trans, queer, or an ally. 

Then loud bong, bong, bong sounds come from the building saying class will start in five minutes. 

“Well come on, Jaki, to school.” I laugh as she wraps her arm around me like always, but now that I think of it, I always get butterflies in my stomach when she does not crush on her butterflies more there is a pretty girl close to me butterflies, odd. 

Jane is a trans aroace, and so she always acts lovey dove around any one. 

We walk through the doors into a large green hallway lined with purple lockers. We both duck as two paper airplanes fly over our heads. The annoying 8th graders are always doing that. We walk to our lockers that are right next to each other. This is very uncommon, but Jane and I have five out of seven classes together and lunch. Sadly, the first period is not one of those classes. 

I look at my hand to see the new room number for first period and see I have to go up two flights of stairs and to the left. By the time I got to the place, I was half out of breath and the last one there. 

“Well hello, Jaki, and welcome to class.” I love Mo, my new teacher. I had her for math last year, and they was one of the first teachers I told about being non-binary. Yes, it was because they are also non-binary but still. 

“Hi Mo,” I yawn and walk to the seat that they said was mine. As I place my things in neat piles, a soft, kind voice comes from the seat next to me. I look up to see the prettiest girl ever. She has long wavy brown hair, bright green eyes, a small head with big eyes and has soft caramel colored skin. 

“Hi,” she says again.

“H-hi,” I stutter out. God why do I have to sound so stupid. I start to bite my nails.

When the girl notices, she places a soft lavender smelling hand on mine and gently pulls my hand down and says, “Stop that.”

I let my hand fall onto my knee which is only an inch away from hers. “I’m Jaki,” I say.

She giggles and says she is May and asks what pronouns use.

I sit for a minute I just staring at her then blurt out, “They/them. You?” 

“Mine are she/her.” She glances at my trans rights shirt, then at my green vans, and finally at my face, which is burning hot. 

I look at her pink shirt and blue jeans, but my eyes focus on the small bi flag pin on her shirt. I point at it and ask, “Are you bi?” 

“Uhh..Yeah,” she said, sounding as nervous as I felt. 

“That’s cool,” I say, trying to fill an awkward silence.

“Welcome, class,” Mo says into the microphone. As they do, everyone settles down, and May and I turn to the front. In my mind, I am like, That was so awkward. When Mo comes by with a get to know you page, May and I both put our hand on it at the same time. 

“Oh sorry.” I try to find words to say but instead of trying to say something, she giggles and hands me a page. 

“Okay kids, please fill these out and have fun,” Mo sits at their desk and starts to do something on their laptop. 

When I look down at my page, I don’t see a page of questions but a handwritten note saying,

Jaki, can we talk after class? 

• No

• Yes 

-May 

I immediately cheek yes, pass it back, and start on my work. But when May unfolds it I glance at her face, which is for some reason very smiley. 

As I look for May in the hall after class, Doe walks by. I pretend to drop my notebook but she doesn’t even give me a second glance. Odd, I think to myself. Then May walks out of the classroom and taps me on the back because I’m still “picking up my notebook.” 

“Ohh..uh hi?” I say making it sound like a question. 

“Hi thanks for meeting with me,” May says awkwardly.

Huh, I thought she was this cool, pretty, smart… wait, what. Forget that I thought I was the awkward one.

“Ohh..um yeah, you’re welcome,” I giggle nervously. Why am I giggling? I never giggle like ever. 

“Okay, anyway I just wanted to ask if like.. Okay this might sound stupid but..” She starts but then stops when she realizes my face is as red as a tomato. 

“What?” she says blushing too. 

“Ohh nothing nothing at all.” 

“Come on. It’s something. You are like a little cute tomato right now.” Then she makes a prefect little o with mouth when she realizes what she just said and blurts out, “I have only been here two months, but I already have a crush on you.” Then her eyes water up and she runs down the hall and to the closes girls bathroom. Me and my stupid self run after her even though I barely know her. 

“May,” I call into the huge bathroom. Then I hear sniffles coming from the second stall she left the stall door open. “May, you okay?” I ask, trying to sound as gentle as her. 

“How stupid did I just sound?”I was shocked that she truly still wanted to see me. 

“Honestly, not that stupid.” I held out my hand and helped her up then led her into the courtyard now that it was break. 

“I know that you probably never want to see me again.” 

“May, of course I want to see you again.” We sat down at a bench, her tears on her face like glass orbs of sadness. Then even though I barely know her, I tuck her into my arms she lays her head on me and her tears roll down onto my shoulder. We stay like that all break. 

When I step into the hall of my home, my huge, fluffy Border Collie named Salang comes running at me. She is my favorite thing in the whole world. “Hey girl,” I say, scratching her behind her ears. I run up the stairs to my room with Salang following behind and dumping my bag on the floor of my somewhat clean room. 

I stand for a minute taking in all the posters of book and play titles and then walk to my green blanketed bed, flop on it, and open my phone. When I open up School Chart, which is an app that lets you text any one in your school but they can’t like have your phone number or anything I see a message from (:M-A-Y:). I gasp and click on it opening a message that says, Hey Jaki!! Sorry about earlier. I was being an idiot. Can we pretend that I never said that I had and have a huge crush on you! And I am so sorry about making you deal with all the rumors! That’s all for now, May!  

As I read through the message I start to smile but though all of it what sticks out to me is the I had and have a huge crush on you! She still has it? Why am I so concerned about it? Do I like her?  All the questions were too much. I started to cry the hot tears streaming down my face, a waterfall of anxiety. 

The next morning I yank Jane to the side of the building. When I do, the first thing she asks sounding inpatient, “So is it true?”  

“Is what true?” I say letting a bit of my anger seep into my voice. 

“That you were acting all lovey dovey with the new girl yesterday?” I think back to yesterday at break and realize that two mean girls were whispering and pointing at May and I.

“Umm. Yes.”

Jane’s jaw drops as big as a sharks and says, “So.. do you like her?”

This provokes the worst rant Jane has ever heard from me and that is saying something. 

“Well, yes, but I don’t know what it means, because she likes me back, but I don’t know what I am, because like I have only ever liked girls, but yeah,” I finish lamely. 

“Okay, back up to the :I have only ever liked girls part.” Is that true and if so why did I not know?” Jane always asks good questions but this one is stupid.

“Because I just realized myself,” I point out.

“Okay, we are going to see Annie at lunch, so meet me here with her.” Then we both head to first period which today we do have together. 

At lunch, Annie and I wait for Jane at the side of the building Annie says, “Hey Jaki, is it true that you have only ever liked girls?”

I think, How on planet Earth did they know that!

Then Jane walks over and says to Annie, “Yes it is true, and that is why we are here today, so that Jaki can talk to a non-binary lesbain.”

Annie looks at me and nods, “So Jaki, what do you want to know?”

I ask all my questions and they help me narrow down to either being pan or a lesbian. 

“Thanks so much, Annie.”

They whip their red hair around their neck and say, “Anytime.” And they trot away as the end of lunch bell rings.