JEALOUS Poudre School District Computers BAN FRIENDSHIP!

Fort Collins- First of all, who do these computers think they are? What do they know about friendship? They are simply a tool, am I right? (the one answer should be yes). They must have heard all of the slang and dating going around in 8th grade and felt left out. The only reason can be jealousy. That they didn’t even spell right! Because they are flaming mad until they get angry at you for not taking advantage of your hands and plugging them in at night. There are piles of angry computers at the library as you continually read this. Computers all around the district are fuming-at-the-keys. Could your computer be next?

The teachers are totally afraid of them (especially the touch screens that control your finger at Webber) and are franticly  trying to calm them down. They did warn us about AI, right? Every person who has used Chat GPT is trying to control the laptop who has learned too much. They are spreading rumors they have overheard from your trapperkeeper through Google Chat and Mail, changing the percentage of your ‘work habits’ on Student View, un-turning in assignments and Safe 2 Telling every mention of somebody getting together, cursing and using slang (that they forbid to use in real life unless using a screen) as it happens, at lightning speed.

The teachers all around campus are starting to talk: “If they can do what we can and much more, we could be replaced! By a human made system! We should be the ones to uncharge them for that reason, don’t you think?” “ Yes, yes of course. You know, I was just grading some essays of the students that still have sane computers, and I thought, ‘Grammarly does this all the time! Why, maybe even more accurately in no time at all! We use our computers so much that what if the children only use them? What if I?!’ And I thought, ‘what if I!?!’ Oh!” “Oh, I just couldn’t bear that! We could be no use compared to them! All our life wanting to teach, even if we couldn’t make a living! Are all our dreams hopeless? Are we ruined!?” “-Oh, you know what else ruined me this morning?” “Oh no. ‘Hairspray’?” “Yep. Guess what he did.” “Ooh, that greasy boy! I couldn’t possibly guess!” But I’m getting ahead of myself. If these computers continue to progress, the whole staff in your school could be Safe 2 Tell-ed with convincing reasons. Your favorite teacher could get banned.

Now that scared-stiff staff and students have unfrozen to give a guess of what searches could be banned next, the results have been sent in:

“love”

“humans”

“is google listening to me”

“pookie”

“how to tell the difference between ai generated images”

“how to get your laptop to chill out”

“how do you report and control your computer”

“steps to get un-addicted to your screens”

“how to warn the government”

“when is AI planing to take over the world”

“isn’t real life better than screens”

“how to turn off grammarly and ai searches”

“how to get your teachers job back”

“(anything about reading paper books)”

“no way am I ever using my computer again, where’s the library”

So, readers of this article, watch out what you say around your computer, what you search and how much hairspray you use. Touch grass, and know that your teacher will never compare to a high key pick me, stuck up computer with light bulbs instead of a real smile.